self destruction

I push myself down in search of the bottom
hurting me to self destruction again.
My body is bruised by failures, weaknesses of will.

Why don't I simply close my eyes and sleep?
escape to where the being is whole and free,
to where every dream may be,
to no rules no templates no genders no classes no groups land.
to where each is unique,
to where singularity is all there is,
to real truth.

Still I am here, aching.
Still I feel uneasy, unable to reach you.
Still I feel untrue.
Even I cannot fully apprehend my being.

Oh is there such a place?
Is it really only a dream?
Is truth a dream?
What is life?
Can you hear me? Reach me? Care for me?
Do we ever truly share?